And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
