To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
