i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We got so high we made milksteak
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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