Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
third nipple confirmed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize