even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize