She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Houston, we have a blender
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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