The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
