Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
