Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
