there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
