sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so let's talk penis.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I need moral support for this bender
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
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