you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
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