she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
