So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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