...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize