Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
