I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
