New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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