we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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