i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
