dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
