Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize