Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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