I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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