hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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