what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dignity is for republicans.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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