Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
