Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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