dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
smell my finger.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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