I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
