I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
