Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I need to align my fucking chakras
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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