I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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