Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
