i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
