Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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