Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
