Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
