Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize