so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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