I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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