I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
