I smell stomach acid.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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