Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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