she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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