we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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