Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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