Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
