At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
