apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
