Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
