I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
