It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sext me about skeletons
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
