He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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