I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
