I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
