Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
