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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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