this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
