since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My dick has a subreddit
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
