She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
