It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
