i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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