Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
