I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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