As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
