Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
