Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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