yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
