i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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