You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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