the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
