What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
