i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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