and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
