you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
