Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
