Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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