i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
