You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
