I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
