I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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