I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
