Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize