we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
