one two three fourrrrnication!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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