he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
