If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
