I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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