oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
