my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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