I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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