It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
