I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
