In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
