Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
