Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize