dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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