yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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