I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
