I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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