M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
