I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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