you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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