What did we do last night that was yellow?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
