i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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