I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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