he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
