i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
