sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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