you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
