This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
