The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
