It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
